Effective Ineptitude

Why give up years of your social life studying to get to the top?

All you need to do is spend an hour reading Effective Ineptitude.

Learn the rules of playing the management game, Learn The Secrets of Corporate Climbing.

Discover why the wrong people get to the top. FInd out the real reason for the glass ceiling. ("It's almost certainly because you have never learnt to behave like an immature schoolboy. This is where men have always had the advantage — lots of training and years of experience.")

Find out how managers really get power over us… and how to laugh about it!

1. How to Manage Effortlessly… and be Overlooked
   Lessons from High Performers and Why You Can Ignore Them
2. How to Get Promoted
   Lessons from Ten-Year-Olds
• Belong to the cool group
• Talk over the top of other people
• Be the fastest runner
• Pick on people who are weaker than you are, and make the other boys laugh
• Support the latest crazes
• Have the biggest toys
• Show off
• Fit in with the other children
3. How to Keep Your People in Their Place
   Lessons from Medieval Times
• Don't let people who might be a threat get too close to your royal person
• Allow your barons to fight over the borders of their lands
• Use secrets to divide and conquer
• Never be satisfied with the paltry offerings of your subjects
• Use public floggings judiciously
• Let people see how heavily your high office weighs on you
• Administer royal favours sparingly
4. How Never to be Wrong
   Lessons from Battlefields
• Sacrifice foot soldiers
• Create disinformation
• Prepare your line of retreat
• Protect your commander
5. How to Build Your Empire
   Lessons from Nature
• Put on excess fat like a grizzly bear
• Multiply like rabbits
• Make work like bees
6. How to Show a Profit This Year
   Lessons from Industry
• Make money by changing the budget
• Cut costs for short-term gain
• Retrench creatively
7. How to Find a Company Where Incompetence is Truly Rewarded
   Lessons from Annual Reports
• The Financial pages of the annual report
• The obligatory photographs of head office
• The glossy photographs of the office interiors
• The executive portraits
• The part which says "People are our greatest asset"
8. How to Change the System
   Lessons from Four-Year-Olds
• Look after other children's toys
• Slow down
• Stop and think
• Spend time daydreaming
• Be inquisitive
• Help to be tidy
• Be nice to your friends
• Look and listen
• Speak clearly
• Be helpful
• Say what you want
• Say 'please'
• Say 'thank you'
• Share
• Sometimes stay out of the way
• Don't tell lies
• Don't show off

At long last, an effective career guide (joking of course).